My life was becoming more and more unbearable. I was in a great relationship, I had a good job, the bills were paid. I went on holiday every year but inside I felt there was a great big fat nothing. I was a shell. Why did I feel so empty? What was missing?
I knew there had to be more to life than this, but I just could not find it. I searched through art, literature, discussion, religion, philosophy, LSD and everything else I could get my hands on (or mind around!) to find some clue as to why I had this ever-widening hole inside me.
I began drinking more to escape the frustration and torment, but found little solace there. Oblivion had become my quest.
In the end, being the devout atheist I had become, I dropped to my knees and pleaded for guidance. For the first time in my life, I asked for help. To my great surprise an answer came – very short but very precise – heal yourself!
Heal myself? And how, exactly, should I go about this?
I did not know where to start, who to trust or what the rules may be, I only knew that I had nothing to lose. I felt that any self-respect I had left was used up the moment I got down on my knees.
This site is not about religion, nor is it about politics or philosophy. Neither was it created to convert you or share with you an instant path to success. It is simply a set of observations, facts, alternative thoughts and suggestions to help you find out who you are, why you are here and what you can do about it.
The good news is that YOU get to choose (or make up) the rules as you go along. There is no hard and fast way to learn to live. Some parts of your process will be more difficult than others – no doubt – but with a little perseverance you will find there is nothing that cannot be overcome.
I promise you an interesting and valuable journey. Like the carousel of life, there will be ups and there will be downs and there will be round and arounds, but as the old gnostics knew:
The Key to Genuine Understanding is to
Know Your Self and Be True to Yourself
Undoubtedly, at some point, you are likely to come across something you simply don’t like, or totally disagree with. That’s good! This will give you a conscious chance to re-assess your existing thoughts and beliefs.
Don’t run away from this, ask yourself what it is specifically you do not like or agree with. Do you really personally feel like that still, or is it merely a shadow of the pre-programming we all are afflicted with and controlled by throughout our lives?
These are the kind of questions you should ask – and answer – for yourself, because without personal self-awareness, you will never find out who YOU really are.
From being an active council member of the International Circle of Shamanism on one end of the spectrum to becoming a 3rd Degree Master Mason on the other end, I’ve now spent over four decades searching for answers to the 4 biggest questions in the quest for deeper self-knowledge and genuine understanding:
- Where did you come from? (before you were born)
- Who are you? (as an individual and/or soul)
- Why are you here? (what is your fundamental purpose in life)
- Where are you going to? (after you die)
Although I was brought up Christian, and have tried several different spiritual paths on my long journey, over time and study I found each of them lacking. I then went from agnostic to atheist, but found these to be lacking too. Therefore, today, I no longer use external labels to try and fit in or describe my place in the world.
I am simply me – the good, the bad and the ugly. And I’m fine with that. WYSIWYG.
I think many people fear life more than they fear death, which is inevitable. Fear of death is irrational, it comes to us all, but fear of life is a choice – and a sad one at that.
My hope is that by sharing a few thoughts of life and things I’ve learned on my own path, you may be able to find something useful for yourself. Or at the very least question your status quo and re-assess your life. Are you where you want to be, doing what you want to do and being who YOU really are? If not, why not? That may be a good place to begin.
REMEMBER: You’re a Human BEING – Not a Human Doing!
They are playing that they are not playing a game and are honest.
If I show them that I can see that they are playing a game,
then I am breaking the rules – and they will punish me for that.
So I have to play along in their game – by not seeing,
that I can see the game. That is, make myself emotionally blind,
or pretend that I believe them – and am who they think I am.
Or I can start my own game and try to get them
to play along in my game – which is hopefully
more fun and more meaningful than theirs.
Or I have to quickly leave the game that I cannot win
and look for others who are playing a game that I like better.
For example, that we do not play games, but simply play together.
– R.D. Laing